Maybe it was motivated by my white guilt and the kind of social awareness and desire for justice that a university student has, but I felt it narrowed the...

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South African news has just been too depressing for too long, so I don’t read that much of it anymore. What I have been lapping up to a possibly unhealthy degree is American politics. You’d think that with everything that’s gone on since Donald Trump’s inauguration, and the considerable amount of time I’ve spent following it, that I’d be shitting myself for the future of the world. But the fact that it is all happening over there, and not here, allows me to absorb...

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So, like, the other day, there were these allegations about Donald Trump allegedly doing something alleged with allegedly Russian prostitutes, allegedly. The allegations could be fake, could be fact; that is not the concern of this post.

The concern is that Vladimir Putin felt it necessary to come to Donald's aid by saying that whoever put those allegations together is/are "worse than prostitutes".

Let's just take a moment to take in this putdown. To call them "girls of loose morals", as he did...
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So I live two blocks away from this club called Decodance. Decodance only plays 80s music. I grew up in the 80s. And yet, despite how you'd think those three facts would combine to make me a regular, I had, until a few nights ago, never been to Decodance.

Shocking, I know. I mean what kind of 80s disciple am I? My excuse was always that I have young kids who wake me at 6am. But deep down, I know that is not the real reason. The real reason is I am a slacker. No, wait, that was the 90s. Anyway,...
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Last week I saw two shocking sights in exercising.

The first was my own man boobs while I was skipping.

I don’t mean the dainty, what-a-beautiful-field-of-daisies kind of skipping. I mean the working-muscles-you-never-knew-you-had-in-front-of-a-mirror kind. It was an ambivalent experience. I haven’t really skipped much before. I also haven’t really noticed my moobs much before.

They’re not terrible. I mean I don’t need a bro (boy bra) or anything. Not yet. But I...

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I first knew of Hostess Twinkies decades before I actually tasted one. They were advertised in all the Archie comics I ever read.
   But I saw recently in Time magazine that the company that makes (or, rather, made) Twinkies is closed for business. Apparently Twinkies are only two steps away from being shoes, and they really shouldn't be thought of as "food". I don't know if it's true, but the writer reckoned that in this nutritionally enlightened age, that was Twinkies' downfall. They just co...
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Because everyone loves a good (shocking pink) vienna.
And a good grammatical error.

 

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1.

 


2. We'd like to wish a warm welcome to all our passengers.

3. Especially our Club members.

4. Wearing your seatbelt throughout the flight is for your own safety.


 

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I love shopping at Game. In fact, I don't even need to shop. I love just going to Game. Just being there. When I'm there it feels like a grown man's Disneyland. And you rarely have to stand in queues. I walk through the aisles marveling at all the stuff they have and how cheap it often is. Objects seem to obtain golden glows as they catch my eye. Like the briefcase in Pulp Fiction. "Come to me..." they whisper seductively. Even the 16 page supplement that comes in the local newspaper every Th...
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Remember when they brought out 2 blade razors? That was a stroke of genius. Every man in the world must have tried it, and most stuck with it. Then they brought out 3 blade razors, and some men tried it, but most of us just thought, "come now, that is a bit ridiculous". Recently I was given - wait for it - a 5 blade razor. 5 blades? Really? REALLY? That is like putting 5 sugars into your coffee. Honestly, after the 3rd sugar it doesn't get any sweeter. The only shave that is closer with 5 bla...
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...but then who's to say that Danica Camacho wasn't also late? Or early? The chances she was right on time are, well, I don't know what they were mathematically, but it's unlikely she was.
   Danica was born in the Phillipines on October 31st last year, and apparently she was the 7 billionth person on earth. Which, you have to admit, is kind of arbitrary. There are a few hundred babies born every minute on our planet. There are also quite a few people who die every minute. And there are people...
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Pardon the cheesy title. I can't resist a good rhyme. Anyway, I'm sure I'm not the first person (or even the tenth) to use the line. But it's true - I do like Newt.
   It's not him, or his policies. I've never seen him speaking and I don't have much of a clue about what his policies are. No, I like him for other reasons.
   Reason 1: he has a great name. I mean, that name could belong to so many things. Newt Gingrich could be the name of a dog, like Just Nuisance, or a cartoon character, like P...
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I was at the licensing department the other day. The one on the Foreshore, that people hate going to, because the queues are always very long and they always move very slowly. For that reason, I got there early. And it was a good thing, because the queue wasn't too long. There was another reason it was a good thing I got there early, but I'm coming to that.
   So there I was with my yellow form, which I had to hand in because I had sold my car and needed to de-register it. (For more back-story...
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This is not a post about dogs. It's not about what it was going to be about, either, which was another acronym. An acronym about acronyms. Specifically, Acronyms I Hate Or Love: AIHOLs. 

Okay, I know, it's a cheap shot. It's like putting a girl on the cover of a guys' magazine. Serious editors hate doing it, but the the truth is, it sells magazines. I know, because I know a guy who used to edit a guys' magazine, and he told me that the one month they put a guy on their cover, their sales dropp...
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I have never been a smoker. In all my 39.75 years, I have probably smoked a total of between 1 and 2 cigarettes, all in single puffs. I do not enjoy the experience. But that is neither here nor there. What is is that I have long been aware of and curious about a certain code or culture that exists between smokers, and only between smokers. If you're not a smoker, you don't know what smokers know. It's not deliberate exclusion. It's just the way it is.

What I mean is that there are all kinds of...
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If you are an avid reader of this blog, then, apart form having my eternal gratitude, you may recall a post about an acronym. (If not, see the entry titled "WAB" from May 12). Today's post is about another acronym. 

You may have guessed by the title of this post, and also by the pictures, that the acronym to which I refer is "WOW". Actually, "WOW" is not a very good acronym, because when you see "WOW" you tend to think it refers to something amazing or cool or at least positive. But "WOW" stan...
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Dallas is back. 

Strues bob.

I am so excited.

I probably won't get to see it, because I don't have DSTV. But I am still excited. Check this out, and you may be excited, too:

http://www.ultimatedallas.com/

What's more, they even have three of the original cast members: Patrick Duffy (Bobby) - now in his early 60s; Larry Hagman (JR) - now in his late 70s; and Linda Gray (Sue Ellen) - I don't know how old she is but check out the trailer. I don't think she's aged one bit since the last show 20 odd ye...
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I see it has been nearly 4 weeks since my last post.

Oddly, I checked my site traffic and it is not as down as I might have expected. I thought momentum was a big part of blogging. Some of my best friends blog every day. Sometimes several times a day.

I don't know where they find the time. Or the inspiration. Both of which have been in short supply on my side of late. But I know that if one is inspired, one finds the time. Alas, it doesn't work so much the other way round.

Apart from not bloggin...
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What is WAB, you ask?

WAB is an acronym.

What is an acronym, you ask?

An acronym, according to my big, beloved Penguin dictionary, which my beloved sisters gave me for my birthday one year, at my request, which is only something a writer geek would do, is: "a word formed from the initial letters of other words". You know, like AIDS. Or MILF. Or NARFY (although I've always wondered about the spelling of that one, because it's not strictly accurate. I mean where does the "R" come from? And where's...
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I thought that, while sitting around, waiting for rejection letters from publishers, I'd tell you about some other rejections I've had, which pre-date the ones mentioned in this blog by some twenty five years. There would be the same number, though, I'm sure. Yes, at least a dozen. They have nothing to do with books, and everything to do with girls.

You see, high school was not a good time for me as far as girls were concerned. I kissed a few girls between the ages of about 13 and 14, and then...
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